I'm still alive. . .

We were in Knoxville this past weekend to visit Justin's family and so I could sing in a wedding. The wedding was Sarah Bolinger and Matt Brooks, and it was a beautiful ceremony. It made me feel old. Sarah was in 8th grade when I met her 10 years ago, and was a part of the student ministry at Grace Baptist Church. It was my first real job after college, and Justin and I were married 3 months when I started in March of 1998. I was one of the student ministers and I loved every minute of it. It was a wonderful time for Justin and I, and the wedding was so great because we got to see all those from Grace who are so dear to us. Wayne and Sherry were some of our closest friends from Grace, and it was an honor to sing in their daughter's wedding. Wayne and Sherry taught us so much about life, marriage, and raising teenagers. It was a wonderful night, and it was even more special to share those we love with Addie.

Addie loved spending time with her cousins before and after the wedding. Growing up, we never spent much time with my 2 first cousins. They were an army family and lived in so many places, we never really got many holidays or other special times with them. I'm so thankful Addie knows and loves her cousins. We had a great time swimming, seeing movies, and just being together. As we unpack all the bags and I start the loads and loads of laundry, I will remind myself it was a great weekend. . .

Funny.

Check out my friend, Greg Adkins blog and his new video from his church "Real Men of Jesus." It made me laugh.

http://www.gregadkins.typepad.com/

Summer Cold and Missing Justin

Every summer since I have lived in Tennessee, I have gotten a horrible sinus infection. I hate the way sinus infections drain my energy, clog my head, and just make me feel terrible. It's bad enough to have a sinus infection at all, but I think summer is the worst! Not only that you can't breathe, but you are miserably hot and can't breathe. At least in the winter you can step outside and the cool air helps you breathe more deeply. Not so, in summer.

Thankfully, this is the week I was going to spend with my parents in KY. Addie will be attending their VBS, and I will be able to recover with help. So, really I couldn't have picked a better time to be sick! This leads me to the missing Justin part. Before Justin, I really could just pick up and leave, travel and enjoy myself. I have a little separation anxiety, but mostly I just miss Justin. I love him so much that sometimes I ache for him. Justin is my best friend, and I really enjoy being with him. I really don't like to be away from him at all, and this time it will be a long time away. Maybe it's because we spent 2 years prior to marriage in long distance, but I think it's more just Justin. He's a great husband, father, partner, and so much fun. Life is just better when he's around. I guess the 50 phone calls a day will have to be enough. . .

Pieces of Me

Do you ever feel like you are somehow just a mixture of pieces of other people, memories, and past experiences? It's almost like we are sewn together by the Master with threads of other people woven into our lives. There is one person who was woven into my life long ago, it is Courtney. She owns quite a piece of my heart. We've been friends since we were 8 years old. We've been through childhood, dating, marriage, children, infertility, spiritual questions, family problems, health issues, deaths, and any other thing you can imagine. I can't even express how special it is to have known someone so long and be truly known by them. We call each other "bosom friends" (from Anne of Green Gables). Courtney is certainly not my only bosom friend, but she's been around for most of my life. When I had Addie and other surgeries, she left her family to come take care of us. When I need someone to talk to, she is always there. When my Grandpa passed away, she dropped everything to come and take care of Addie so I could mourn. There is nothing we could do or say to each other, that in the end, we couldn't love each other through. She is my cheerleader, my Barnabas, my rock, and my sister.

I can remember when we would have sleepovers at each others houses and talk until the wee hours of the morning, only to call and talk for hours the next day. Our parents (and now our husbands) would always ask what we had to talk about. I can't even tell you, and I still can't. We still talk for hours at least 2 times a week. We've had great times, honest times, hard times, and quiet times.

I think this is why "Sex in the City," "Friends," "Cheers," and other shows like this are so popular. These shows all had one main thing in common, close friendships. I hope all of you have people in your life who are bosom friends. In this world to have intimacy, usually takes on a sexual connotation. Maybe this is the reason for all the promiscuity, and other problems in this world. People are searching and needing to be known, but in the wrong places for the wrong reasons. It's very sad to me. Intimacy with friends is a chance worth taking. You have to trust, put yourself out there and GIVE! Those who have many friends are those who are friends to many. I'm so thankful for the gift God gave us in friendships, and knowing they are eternal just makes it all the more sweet.

"Two are better than one; because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. (Eccl. 4:9-10)

Happy Birthday Courtney! I love you.

Anger Management.

"If you kick a stone in anger, you hurt your own foot." (proverb)

Well, I came by it honestly from my dad, who got it from his mother, but we all have anger issues. We have what is called a "short fuse." It's one of the things I hate most in myself. Yet, it seems to be something I can't really control. I realize there is probably a pill for it since there is a pill for everything, but I don't want to take any more pills. The one thing that is good about a "short fuse" is I seem to cool off quickly. It doesn't take much to set me off, especially while driving. I try to remind myself how imperfect I am, and believe me, I know I am. However, the anger rises up in me so fast it just spills out and usually hurts the people who I love the most. It's hard to stop a cycle of anger, but I certainly don't want Addie to have the same issues. Thankfully, she really does seem to have Justin's easy going attitude. Justin has really helped me with my anger, and made me much more mellow.

There are times when we should be angry, like injustices in the world. We need our anger to motivate us to change the world. Just as Christ was angered by the money-changers in the temple, we should be fighting for what is right. Maybe it's all about finding the balance.

Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry. ~Lyman Abbott

The 12 Hour Worker

There is a parable in the Bible (Matthew 20:1-16) which used to really upset me. It's the parable about the 12 Hour Worker. The paraphrased version is this, an owner of a vineyard goes out to hire people to work in his vineyard. He goes at the beginning of the day to hire people, agrees to pay a day's wages, and takes them to his field to work. Three hours later he hires more people. Again, 3 hours later he hires even more people, and this repeats again. Finally with only one hour to work, he hires the last group of people. At the end of the day you have several groups of people, those who've worked 12 hours, 9 hours, 6 hours, 3 hours and only 1 hour. The owner of the vineyard lines each worker up and pays them the same amount. A day's wages. He even paid those who worked the longest last. Of course this really upset those who worked 12 hours that they were paid the same as the ones who worked only an hour. The landowner says, "Friend I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?"

This is a hard pill to swallow. Why would this be fair? Why would they all be paid the same? What does it all mean?

It's important to know the historical reality of the day. You see in Christ's day, work was not guaranteed. The workers would sit out at the beginning of the day and wait and hope they would be chosen and able to feed their families that day. The ones who were hired first had the assurance they would feed their families, had their purpose (working in the fields), knew their reward (pay), and peace knowing it was all going to work out. The ones who were hired later, and especially last, spent the entire day worrying over how they would feed their families, having no purpose but just wasting time, with no peace of mind. Which one would you rather be, the ones busy working, or the ones hoping they are chosen?

Why do I relate to the ones who worked the longest? Possibly pride, but also, because I came to know Christ when I was 8 years old. I have lived it my whole life essentially. My dad is a pastor, and I remember being 15 and seeing an 80 year old woman come to Christ for the first time. I remember foolishly thinking, "Now that's the way to go, live like you want your whole life but still get heaven in the end." The truth is the poor woman lived 80 years without any true purpose, without any assurance of heaven, and no peace in her life. She and I will receive the same ultimate reward, heaven. We can't ever earn our way to heaven. But, I am so glad to be a 12 hour worker, my whole life I have had purpose, peace, and the time to get to know the owner of the vineyard.

Canoe Trip

On Saturday, our Sunday School Class from church went on a canoe trip (9 families). We had so much fun! My parents always took us canoeing every summer, and I have to say it was even more fun than I remembered. The kids had a great time swimming, and we just enjoyed the ride. It makes me wonder why we don't do more things like this. It's always great to be in the outdoors, enjoying nature, and each other. (However, I do NOT camp. Sleeping is for indoors and big, fluffy mattresses.) Although most of us had a great time, there were a few who didn't enjoy the trip (kids). Given, it was really hot, and not a whole lot of action except the splash wars. But, I hope our children are not so overly pampered and spoiled that they can't see the beauty in an afternoon on the river. Maybe we were the same way growing up, but it seems like we've all gotten so addicted to TV, video games, and computer. It would do us all some good to smell the roses, and teach our kids to do the same. My Grandpa was one who taught me how to make memories, and not let time just pass by. When it's all said and done, I hope Addie will remember me with smiles of all the time we spent enjoying each other.

Dead Fish

Well, it's happened again. Our fish is dead. When we went to check on the fish last night after church, we saw her breathing but doing the side float. That's never a good sign. I haven't told Addie just yet, so we'll see how that goes. Once again, we've had a fish less than a week, and it has died. We can't seem to keep them alive, even though we follow all the directions, special water, etc. Thankfully my love of animals does not extend to fish. Maybe I've been burned too many times to put my trust in them. Now we have the dilemma, do we replace the fish? We will see if Addie wants another one, it's not like they are any trouble. But, do we continue our fish genocide? At some point, maybe we should just leave well enough alone, well enough fish that is. . .

Dogs

If you know me, you know how much I love dogs, especially ours. (When I say love, I mean kiss on the mouth, snuggle, baby talk and hug my bulldog.) Gracie is 7 1/2 years old and to think of losing her is more than I can manage. Gracie is a HUGE part of our family. She even occasionally sits in a chair at the table with us for meals, and we love to play with her. She makes us laugh with her silly personality. Gracie is really my first dog. My parents let us have dogs when we were little, but they stayed outside and really, after I was about 8 years old, we never got another one. My sister loves her dogs like I do. I have several friends who don't like dogs. I really don't understand it. In certain situations it has actually offended me when they treat Gracie with apathy. What makes some of us feel like dogs are family, and others want nothing to do with them? Any thoughts?

The funniest thing . . .

Addie was given a goldfish today by our neighbors. The fish was in a koi pond and was getting a little beaten up by the other fish. Addie has been very excited today about her new fish, naming her "Sarah." I came into the kitchen to this scene, Addie's princess Barbie's looking at her new fish. Just had to share it. . . (PS. We aren't sure why, but it seems Addie's Barbies are usually naked.)

On another note, Addie was asking if we still had snakes in our bushes like last year. We talked about how there are good snakes. She said, "What do they eat?" I answered, "Well they eat mice, rats and bad snakes." She then asked, "You mean like in the Moses story?" (The Plagues) Wow! She loves to read her Bible, but I had no idea how much she is actually retaining as a 4 year old. It's really amazing.