Saturday, February 12, 2011
Monday, December 13, 2010
There I was, color dripping from my hair with Addie’s big brown eyes staring up at me and asking, “Mommy, what was that?” I explained to her about the call, and a birth mom choosing us. Her response was, “You mean she chose ME to be the big sister.” It was precious. The first phone call was to Justin, who was on call at the hospital. He was in surgery and could not answer, so I called one of my best friends from college who had adopted twice from Mercy Ministries. We talked for a little while, and then Justin called. He was nervous, but excited. It was then; I realized my hair had turned black from leaving the color on for too long.
The next few weeks are a blur. We met the birth mom for lunch, had phone calls, and spent some time with her. We loved her instantly. God connected so many of our stories, and we knew His hand was all over our times. After Olivia and Emily were born, she struggled again with her decision to place. The pain and agony of seeing your two beautiful babies raised, loved, and adored by someone else was just too much. We prayed diligently for her and asked God for His will to be done in all of our lives. After a week, she made her decision. She walked into the office at Mercy and said, “I know that I know that I know the girls are supposed to be theirs.” Our birth mom is an amazing woman, who has given us something more wonderful than I could ever imagine giving anyone. It is just indescribable how much love, appreciation, gratefulness, and respect we have for her. She is our hero.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
1. Can we handle another baby when the twins would only be 12 months old? TRIPLE stroller? Oh my.
2. How would we even get a pumpkin seat in the back seat of the van? They're heavy enough now!
3. Can we afford another baby? (Babies aren't cheap, and neither is adoption!)
4. What if this is God's child for our family? Oh.
The last question hit me hard. You see, I almost said "no" to my beautiful, wonderful, God-given twin baby girls. I thought we were headed to Bulgaria! But, where would our family be without those little ladies? My answer was simple. Trust God. My perfect little family's picture in my head had already been changed. In my dreams we would be a family of 4, with two biological children who were two years apart, and live happily ever after. God said "NO" in a big way as we suffered through years of expensive infertility, finally choosing adoption. Then God chose for us twins, which I never thought I could handle! I am beyond thankful for my baby girls, and I know it was God's plan all along. So now, who was I to tell God what my family should be? He knows WHO is supposed to be in our family so much more than me.
A couple of days ago, we received word from the attorney in Missouri. She said the birth mom had chosen another family. I have to say a BIG part of me was relieved. Not because I don't ever want to adopt again, but because our hands are so full right now. Another part of me was sad. Crazy you say? After wanting babies for 4 1/2 years, the desperation I had felt turned into the joy we experienced with adopting the twins. It's hard to explain how much we felt the presence of the Lord during and after the adoption process. It's His heart, and now it's mine too. The question now is will we adopt again? Maybe.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
During my 3 days of solitude, I read 3 fiction books, watched a movie, watched Food network, walked the dogs, went to church, talked to Justin and Addie on the phone MANY times, and didn't take a shower for 24 hours. Here are the things I did NOT miss during my 3 days: cooking, making bottles, keeping a schedule, timing feedings, having to make decisions for everyone else, listening to a baby monitor, washing bottles, changing diapers, being BUSY, and crying girls. Things I DID miss: kisses, hugs, coos, laughs, smiles, love, talks, snuggles, conversation, watching all my babies sleep, and companionship. Justin and my girls will be heading home tomorrow, and I can't wait to get my arms around each of them! The worst part besides being away from them is knowing my whole world is in that car. As I pray for their safety, I will say a prayer of thanks for the 3 days I desperately needed.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Addie and I were talking the other day about Bulgaria, and she said she wanted to go there for another sibling. My Grandma heard her and said, "You don't NEED any more kids." As she said it, I realized she does not get it like so many. I politely explained, it's not about what I need, it's about what a child on the other side of the world growing up without a family needs. You see it's not about me. It never was. It's the Lord's story, and we can choose to tell it through our lives or live for ourselves. We have fooled ourselves into a comfortable life, and decided what we can afford and what we can handle. I am more guilty than most. I had hardened my heart for adoption until one of my dearest friends from college adopted two beautiful boys from Mercy Ministries. Now, I have felt God's hand and His leading so strongly through this process, that I want everyone to experience it!
There is a song called "Albertine" by Brook Fraser. The song has a line which has haunted me for a long time. It says, "Now that I have seen, I am responsible." Once God removes the scales from your eyes and shows you something, it's impossible to not be changed. God has shown us orphanages, faces of beautiful children who may never call anyone "Mom" or "Dad." We have seen the poverty, the despair, and the sadness and hopelessness in their eyes. It breaks my heart to know some children will never find a family. It reminds me of the story of the Good Samaritan. "Godly" and "Righteous" people saw the man beaten and battered and passed by on the other side. It was only the Samaritan who saw and DID something! I've talked to many of our friends who have adopted, and the hardships in adoption we have all faced. The one common thread is the hand of God, and feeling His presence. We would all do it all over again.
We went to an adoption conference while we were looking at different agencies and we heard a woman speak. Her words were burned into my heart. She had four biological children, and had adopted 3 more from China. Her biological children were in their late 20s and her adopted children were in their teens. The Mom and the oldest daughter went on a mission trip to China to work in an orphanage. They met a special needs 5 year old girl, and they fell in love with her. They knew she would have a very difficult time being chosen. On the plane ride home, the older daughter said to the Mom, "you know we have to go get her right?" The Mom said, " I already have 7 children! Besides, I'm TOO OLD!" The daughter looked at her mom and said, "What do you think she'd rather have, old Mom or NO Mom?" Wow. They went back and adopted her.
I don't know if the Lord will lead us to adopt again and go to Bulgaria. I only know I am changed and so thankful for the journey.
"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me." Matthew 18:5