Adoption Book

Well, Justin and I have been talking about adoption for a year and a half. It's been a long road for us. It will be 3 years this week that we had our first miscarriage followed in 3 months by our ectopic pregnancy which led to all the other problems. I wonder some times if I will ever stop wondering about the children we lost. I know some people believe you will see your unborn children in heaven. I'm not sure if the Bible really talks about it. Somehow for me it's easier to believe the life was never meant to be, and that's why God takes it. Believing the child is supposed to be with us and is not, just makes me feel loss to my very core. It seems like after a miscarriage you are just trying as hard as you can to be pregnant again to fill the void.

Although we are still hoping God blesses us again with another biological child, we've decide to move forward with adoption. My pastor Mark said something which has really resonated with me as we talked with him about our situation. "It will have to be more about the child to be adopted than about your desire to have a child." We need to stop focusing on what we want and remember there are children all over the world who have no parents. Unless we do something, the orphans in our world go without parents. We went to an adoption conference in April from America World Adoptions and it was great. I'll never forget what one of the women said. Their family had 4 biological children, and 5 adopted internationally. The woman went with her older biological daughter to work in the orphanages in China and they fell in love with a special needs little girl. On the plane ride home, the daughter said to her mother, "You know we have to go get her." The woman responded, "I have 8 children! I am too old to be a mother again!." The daughter replied, "What do you think she'd rather have, Old Mom or No Mom?" It pierced my heart.

I've been working on our adoption book, late into the night, the last few nights. It's funny how seeing all the pictures of those we love, and things we've done makes you count your blessings. I am blessed beyond measure, and even through all the hurt, I know He is there whether I like it or not.