I'm not sure if I know the answer to my title. In a month, it has been 4 years now since our very first miscarriage in July 2005 which started our journey toward another child. We have applied for adoption and had 2 young ladies consider us. They chose other families. We have had genetic testing to see if there is a reason for our 3 miscarriages. (We are waiting on the results.) Addie will turn 6 in September and starts Kindergarten in August. A few of my friends have said, do you really want to go all the way back to babies? Some days I am not sure. Others have said, "don't give up! They will have a special relationship." The truth of the matter is I want Addie to have the joy of a sibling and the sibling relationship especially in adulthood. Of all the trials and heartaches, I know one thing. I am not in charge of her destiny or even my own. I know God controls our answer, whether the result is in another child or not. So, do we give up? How much more money do we throw at what may not be God's choice for us? We have options, with adoption, in vitro fertilization, insemination, and of course, continuing to try on our own. But, when does it end? Will we know when we've tried enough? I don't know. How much farther do we go? We will of course keep our adoption options open, and pray God answers us. What if He does not answer us with a child? A child we have prayed for earnestly for 4 years. I know His ways are better, it's just so hard to let go of what you want.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (New Living Translation)
8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
3 comments:
I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I know this journey has been hard, and I hope you get your "answers" soon. Your in my thoughts and prayers! Love you!
Brandy
Tiffany,
My name is Meriam Bull and I am a friend of Jessica Adkins. I stumbled onto your blog following links to mutual friends on her blog and absentmindedly pushed your name. Intrigued by your title I read your recent post. I hope I can give you some encouragement. My daughter Emily is 14 years old. When she was three we sadly suffered a miscarriage. For three more years I sadly watched Emily play by herself on playgrounds, or choose not to play because it was too crowded and she didn't know anyone. When she started kindergarten I had given up and was ready to consider adoption. (As a family in ministry and self employed and self insured medical exploration was not an option.) We also considered just letting Emily be "it" and accepting she was an only child. It was kind of fun having a five year old. Then in October we were shocked to find we were pregnant. Cameron is now 8 and a fun, goofy challenge every day. We were also quite shocked to welcome Aiden two and half years later. It's amazing how he was a missing piece of our family and we didn't even know it. Emily is a fabulous big sister. She is independent and helpful and is more the happy to keep her brothers if it means she doesn't have to go to the grocery with me. We tell people that all three of our kids were unplanned by us, but completely planned by God. Every family's story is different and God's plan is always not what we expect. You are in my prayers as you continue this journey of parenthood.
Meriam Bull
Thank you for letting me know about your blog. I haven't read through the history of everything yet, but I have read the 3 most recent posts. I could am praying you find complete peace in your situation. That God gives you clarity in "when to say 'when'". I had 2 miscarriages, but they were before I carried to term. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you - it has to be so much different after you have carried a beautiful, perfect baby to term. I know there is purpose in your journey. It doesn't make it any easier, but it sometimes makes it more tolerable. You are heavy on my heart and I will continue to pray for God's guidance, peace, clarity and patience on this journey.
Carrie
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