On Friday August 20 as I was driving the carpools girls home, I got a call. I didn't recognize the number, but I knew it was a Missouri number after living there 1/2 my life. It was an attorney in Washington, MO, to whom we had sent our adoption profile. After we adopted the twins, we pulled our profiles from 3 attorneys who had our profile, but I just couldn't remember the attorney's name in Missouri. First, she asked me how our adoption plan was going. I replied, "Great! We adopted twin baby girls in March!" She was happy for us, but she called because a birth mom in Chattanooga wanted to look at our profile. Not only this, but she wanted to overnight our profile within the hour! Wow. Really? It was one of those moments where your heart stops. Deep breath. I knew Justin was doing surgery and couldn't be reached, so I had to decide right then. My questions were:
1. Can we handle another baby when the twins would only be 12 months old? TRIPLE stroller? Oh my.
2. How would we even get a pumpkin seat in the back seat of the van? They're heavy enough now!
3. Can we afford another baby? (Babies aren't cheap, and neither is adoption!)
4. What if this is God's child for our family? Oh.
The last question hit me hard. You see, I almost said "no" to my beautiful, wonderful, God-given twin baby girls. I thought we were headed to Bulgaria! But, where would our family be without those little ladies? My answer was simple. Trust God. My perfect little family's picture in my head had already been changed. In my dreams we would be a family of 4, with two biological children who were two years apart, and live happily ever after. God said "NO" in a big way as we suffered through years of expensive infertility, finally choosing adoption. Then God chose for us twins, which I never thought I could handle! I am beyond thankful for my baby girls, and I know it was God's plan all along. So now, who was I to tell God what my family should be? He knows WHO is supposed to be in our family so much more than me.
A couple of days ago, we received word from the attorney in Missouri. She said the birth mom had chosen another family. I have to say a BIG part of me was relieved. Not because I don't ever want to adopt again, but because our hands are so full right now. Another part of me was sad. Crazy you say? After wanting babies for 4 1/2 years, the desperation I had felt turned into the joy we experienced with adopting the twins. It's hard to explain how much we felt the presence of the Lord during and after the adoption process. It's His heart, and now it's mine too. The question now is will we adopt again? Maybe.
