A Crazy Time

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and events. Since we met our beautiful twin girls, we have been able to visit with them each week at least once or twice. I did forget to mention the story of their NAMES! The birth Mom named the girls Emmi-Rose Isadora and Blakely Moriah. All the names she chose for the girls were family names and had special meaning for her. We knew we wanted to honor her with the names she had chosen, but we also wanted to name them. There is just something about naming a child which makes you feel closer to them. We decided to use portions of her names within the names we chose. Olivia Blakely is the oldest and smallest (pictured on the left) and Emily Catherine is on the right. We were concerned when we told the birth Mom the names we had chosen. It was important to us for her to like the names and for them to be special to her. We were so thankful to learn she loved the names we chose!

We have enjoyed so much getting to know them. Their personalities are so different and yet they look more and more alike each time we see them! The interim foster families have been wonderful, and tell us stories how they already look for each other. This twin thing is going to be so interesting and FUN! Addie is doing very well, and is so excited about becoming a big sister. She has been able to hold them and feed bottles. Addie has been praying for Olivia and Emily every night, and also praying for the birth Mom not to be sad. Last week, we were able to have the twins in our home which was wonderful! To have them here with our things, our bulldogs, their crib, their room, and all of us was just great. We cannot wait to have them home soon.

We got news last week that the birth father had finally made some contact. We are hoping he will sign papers and mail them back this week. If he does, we could likely have the twins home for good just before Easter! If not, we will at least have them home by mid-April. We are just praying for God's timing and His will to continue to be done. Please pray with us as we wait for everything to be finalized so we can breathe a big sigh of relief . . .

A Beautiful Day

It was a very special day for our family! Justin and I got to meet the twins for the first time. It was just an unbelievable experience. Before I go in to today, let me fill you in on some things . . .

The twins were born on Friday, January 29 at 6:10 pm and 6:13 pm at Vanderbilt. They were induced for several reasons. The birth mom was experiencing preeclampsia and also the first baby was not getting as much food as the second one. They wanted to make sure she was able to feed well and thought she could do that better outside. The birth mom was able to push both girls out and they did GREAT! They did not even need to go to the NICU which we are so thankful for! They were 5 weeks early, so we weren't sure how developed their lungs would be and just other preemie concerns. The day they arrived, Nashville got more snow than I have ever seen followed by a sheet of ice an inch thick! We could not have gotten to the hospital at all until Sunday. We were sad to learn the birth mom had not approved us to come to the hospital at all. We began to be concerned about losing the girls. On Sunday we were told, the birth mom wanted a week at home without the girls to pray about her final decision. The process had been difficult and she was wavering on her decision to place them for adoption.

It was a long week, but one we spent in deep prayer. Honestly, it was a peaceful week for me. I knew the Lord had a plan, we would adopt the girls or we would go to Bulgaria to adopt. Either way would be a HUGE blessing for our family. Justin and I did not want to parent the twins if it was not God's plan for us. We trusted His ways were better than ours, even if it meant losing them. The truth is, we still do. I cannot tell you how much I felt the presence of the Lord last week. Another AMAZING thing was to feel the prayers of all of our friends and family who prayed so faithfully for us. THANK YOU for all of you who prayed!

On Monday, February 8, we got the call. The birth mom walked into Mercy Ministries office and told them her decision. Mercy said the birth mom looked different. She was more peaceful, joyful, happy, and her whole face was glowing. They said she looked as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She sat down and said, "I know that I know that I know that I am supposed to place the twins with Justin and Tiffany." PRAISE THE LORD! We were so happy to have the confirmation from her. We are so proud of the birth mom and her willingness to follow God's plan no matter how much it cost her. We can never be thankful enough for her sacrifice. She not only was brave enough to give them life, but also brave enough to give them what she felt was a better life than she could offer them. We are overjoyed.

Back to today. . . When I walked into this situation, I just didn't know how I would feel. Would I fall in love at first sight? Would I feel bonded to them? Would I feel like they were someone else's girls? Would I be able to tell them apart? Would I know what to do? The answers are just indescribable. It was definitely love at first sight. For all of you who have adopted, you know the answer. The Lord gives you a supernatural experience. It is almost surreal. I just didn't know I was capable of feeling the way I did today. Maybe it was realizing the end of this DARK journey of infertility and loss was imminent. Maybe it was knowing this was God's plan all along. All the miscarriages, failed in vitros, corrective surgeries, and all the PAIN was washed away in one moment. God is good. For any of you walking through dark and painful valleys, please remember, it is not the end of the story. It is just the road leading to His perfect plan. Walk the road and remember He is faithful, and the end is a beautiful forever with Him.

A Curve Ball

In baseball, a curve ball is a pitch that starts going one direction and then breaks to a different direction. This is what has happened with our adoption plan. On December 14, we received a call from Mercy Ministries. I almost didn't answer the phone because I believed they might be calling for a year end donation, and with all we have spent on adoption this year we are tapped out! Mercy called because a young lady has chosen our family to place for adoption! This was a complete surprise, especially since we did not even know our profile was still being shown. At first, I was very torn about the decision. You see, I am very excited about adoption in Bulgaria. I have been dreaming of the child we might be placed with, picturing their daily activities, and hoping they are safe and well cared for. I had put aside my hope of domestic adoption. We were only one paper away from turning in our dossier and being completely committed to Bulgaria. The paper was already due to be in our hands when Mercy called. God's timing? We are believing it is. The birth mom is due on March 7, which would change our lives very quickly. The most surprising part Mercy left to the end, it is identical TWIN GIRLS! Whoa. It still gets me every time. One of the babies has a kidney issue which we are hoping to know more about soon. It appears not to be a serious condition.

We are very excited, but also very concerned for the process to unfold. The birth mom is a wonderful person, and God has really brought her through so much. We are so proud of how far she has come with the Lord in just a few short months. Justin and I had our first face to face meeting with her yesterday. It was a great time of sharing, crying, laughing and learning about each other. We know a decision to place babies you have grown to love and cherish for so many months is a tremendous loss. For those of you who do not know, a birth mom has 4 days to surrender their rights and 10 business days after this time to change their mind. After those 10 days are over, she cannot change her mind ever. The birth father also has to surrender all rights, and we are still waiting for him to do so but believe he will. Please keep us in your prayers as we walk this road. I really only want whatever God wants for our family, the birth mom, and these babies. Honestly, I am still torn about which plan is right for our family. We need prayers for clarity and wisdom to do whatever it is God has for us.

Bah HUMBUG!

I used to LOVE Christmas . . . There are still many things I do love about Christmas, however there are many things I do not! I find myself every year getting lost in the busyness and stressing to find just the "right" gift for everyone. Part of me wants to be thoughtful and let people know I am trying to think of them, and part of me just wants to buy things and be done with it already! You know? Let's face it, all most all of us have what we want. (Except world peace.) I am also not a great spender of money, although I am getting better which means financially I am getting worse! It just kills me to think I spent a dollar more when I could have gotten it cheaper elsewhere. Alas, I will finish my shopping this week best prices or not.

Things I like about Christmas
1. Getting to be Santa Claus
2. The elf on the shelf (Addie loves this!)
3. The decorations
4. Baking Christmas Goodies
5. Christmas Carols
6. Being sneaky
7. Spending time with family and friends!
8. No school for Addie- getting to spend time with her and SLEEPING IN!

Things I don't like about Christmas
1. Trying to divide time between families.
2. SHOPPING!
3. CROWDS!
4. Being TOO BUSY!
5. Trying to buy presents for people who have everything they want and have no ideas to give you.
6. CROWDS! (yes, I know I already had this on the list. I REALLY don't like it.)
7. My house looking like Christmas threw up everywhere until we get it organized and decorated.
8. Stores not having everything they advertise!
9. Missing my Grandpa.

I hope to take a moment this season to remember, God- all powerful, holy, all sufficient, and majestic, loved us enough to humble Himself and become flesh. He did not come to become King, but as a servant, a helpless baby. He trusted the very people, who had proved untrustworthy, just so He could have a relationship with you and me. His birth brought all of us life. May we be thankful, grateful people, for all it cost the Holy God to walk among us.

Welcome to Our World . . . Chris Rice

Fragile fingers sent to heal us

Tender brow prepared for thorns

Tiny heart whose blood will save us

Unto us is born

Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around you

Breathe our air and walk our sod

Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God

Perfect Son of God

Welcome to Our World . . .

Bulgaria! Here we come!!!

There are 147 million orphans in this world. It's time to do something. After much prayer and tears, we have chosen to adopt from Bulgaria! We are very excited and cannot wait to see what God is going to do through us and in us.

1. Why Bulgaria? We chose Bulgaria for many reasons. The program offers children from various ages, but we will likely be placed with a child from ages 2-4. The program has only 2 short trips to make, instead of long stays in country. Also, Bulgaria is a country we thought we might like to revisit with our children. The country is just on top of Greece, which I've always wanted to see!

2. How long will it take? We don't know for sure! As with all international adoptions, there are no guarantees. We hope to be bringing our child home next year at this time. It could be much shorter or it could take 18 months at the longest. We are trying to prepare ourselves for a long wait.

3. Boy or Girl? We have decided not to choose! So this will be another big surprise for us! (Those of you who know me, and know I am a planner must be SHOCKED! We just really felt led to let God do the choosing. It will also help our wait time.)

4. How does Addie feel about all this? She is SOOOOOOO EXCITED! She is telling just about everyone we meet that we are going to get her a baby brother or sister from Bulgaria. She has been bringing home maps of Bulgaria from school, and praying for her new brother or sister.

5. What will the child look like? They have olive skin, dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes.

6. How much does it cost? About $28,000. I know it's a lot of money. Believe me, I know. (If any of you have extra money lying around . . .)

7. What agency are you using? Hopscotch Adoptions in North Carolina. For some reason (we believe is the Lord) I just kept feeling drawn to it.

Please pray with us as we walk this new journey. It's finally time to move forward in this area of our lives. We are very excited, but there are many new challenges that await us. Pray for our transition, and the transition of this precious child who may soon be ours who lives a world away from us RIGHT NOW! This child is already born, living in an orphanage with no family to call their own. I cannot help the 147 million orphans around the world, but I can love one.

Uncertainty

In our Sunday School class at church, we've been doing a series on marriage. We've been looking back at those first years of marriage and comparing how our lives have changed since then. Our first 2 years of marriage were a blissful time for us. After spending almost 2 years long distance dating, it was wonderful just to be near each other daily. We had our struggles, but they were mostly financial. God always provided in those lean times. I was thinking in class a couple of weeks ago, how wonderful it was to really TRUST God for things. We had so many needs, we depended on His goodness DAILY. We lived simply, because we had no other choice. We still need the Lord as much as we did then, really even more. I know I take for granted things God has blessed us with, especially financial blessings. Now, each paycheck pays for all the things we need and more. It is a HUGE blessing, but one I regretfully take for granted. I found myself wanting to trust the Lord like that again.

Be careful what you wish for. . . It's been a difficult week for us. There's so much going on we are having to trust God for, and prayerfully decide what we need to do in so many areas. BIG things. These decisions may take us completely out of what we envisioned our next few years to look like.

There has been a country song which I have listened to so many times. The song is "Red Light" by David Nail. I am relating to the lyrics about how I am feeling. Not about our marriage, but about the pain. When you are hurting deeply, it seems like everywhere you look life is continuing as normal for everyone else while your world is crashing down around you. Guess it's time to trust God. Really trust Him . . .

The Birthday Letter

This year was a BIG birthday time for Addie. We decided to have her birthday party with friends at Wizard Animation Studios, where the kids are able to star in a movie with 4 other friends and bring home the DVD of their movie. (Addie has watched her movie about 100 times.) It was a great party, and they did a super job. The kids had a great time, and Justin and I didn't have to do ANYTHING! They had a special for HALF OFF, which was so much cheaper than doing anything else. We were so blessed to have the Millages come in for a visit that weekend and celebrate with us. The next weekend our families came in to help us celebrate her actual birthday. It was all birthday all the time for a while. We've already decided next year we will let her have a few friends over for sleep over and not do a BIG party.

Along with all the celebrations there is one thing I do every year for Addie, I write her a birthday letter. I have not been good about keeping a baby book, or even scrapbooks. She will have thousands of pictures to look through, but nothing that marks the year for her in what she has been doing. The letter always includes the activities she's been doing that year, the songs and TV shows she likes, favorite books, what our family has been through, the food she likes, vacations and experiences, and the things I love about her. I keep each letter in what I call my "Mama" box, which is where I keep my favorite drawings, programs, and special things she has done. Some day, she will be able to read these words and remember who she was and how she was. It is my hope to write more letters to her as she grows up on specific topics, like dating, marriage, my relationship with the Lord, etc. Here is the last paragraph from last year's letter.

I cannot even begin to express my love for you. You have such a pure heart, and it is so tender. I am really trying hard to be a good Mom. You have made me a better person, just for knowing you and loving you. Someday I pray you will become a Mom, and know just exactly how much you can love someone. I just love you more than my heart can hold. You are such a big girl and growing up so fast. I wish there was a way I could just freeze you right now and not let you grow up. I am already sad knowing kindergarten is just months away, and I won’t have you every day with me. You are my sweet little friend, and I am so honored God chose you to be my daughter. I look forward to the day when you begin your relationship with Christ. I will be so excited to share that journey with you too! He has been my foundation, and I hope He will be yours too. Christ is the reason for life, and in Him you will find your purpose. He loves us more than we can ever imagine and someday we will see Him face to face. I am so excited to spend each day with you and you are my “I love you!”

My hope for these letters is that she will remember what God has brought us through, who we are in these moments of time. If something ever happened to me, she will always know how much I love her and be able to see a glimpse of who I am. In this world of facebook, twitter updates, and email, I encourage you to WRITE LETTERS to those who mean so much to you. They are truly gifts.