The Birthday Letter

This year was a BIG birthday time for Addie. We decided to have her birthday party with friends at Wizard Animation Studios, where the kids are able to star in a movie with 4 other friends and bring home the DVD of their movie. (Addie has watched her movie about 100 times.) It was a great party, and they did a super job. The kids had a great time, and Justin and I didn't have to do ANYTHING! They had a special for HALF OFF, which was so much cheaper than doing anything else. We were so blessed to have the Millages come in for a visit that weekend and celebrate with us. The next weekend our families came in to help us celebrate her actual birthday. It was all birthday all the time for a while. We've already decided next year we will let her have a few friends over for sleep over and not do a BIG party.

Along with all the celebrations there is one thing I do every year for Addie, I write her a birthday letter. I have not been good about keeping a baby book, or even scrapbooks. She will have thousands of pictures to look through, but nothing that marks the year for her in what she has been doing. The letter always includes the activities she's been doing that year, the songs and TV shows she likes, favorite books, what our family has been through, the food she likes, vacations and experiences, and the things I love about her. I keep each letter in what I call my "Mama" box, which is where I keep my favorite drawings, programs, and special things she has done. Some day, she will be able to read these words and remember who she was and how she was. It is my hope to write more letters to her as she grows up on specific topics, like dating, marriage, my relationship with the Lord, etc. Here is the last paragraph from last year's letter.

I cannot even begin to express my love for you. You have such a pure heart, and it is so tender. I am really trying hard to be a good Mom. You have made me a better person, just for knowing you and loving you. Someday I pray you will become a Mom, and know just exactly how much you can love someone. I just love you more than my heart can hold. You are such a big girl and growing up so fast. I wish there was a way I could just freeze you right now and not let you grow up. I am already sad knowing kindergarten is just months away, and I won’t have you every day with me. You are my sweet little friend, and I am so honored God chose you to be my daughter. I look forward to the day when you begin your relationship with Christ. I will be so excited to share that journey with you too! He has been my foundation, and I hope He will be yours too. Christ is the reason for life, and in Him you will find your purpose. He loves us more than we can ever imagine and someday we will see Him face to face. I am so excited to spend each day with you and you are my “I love you!”

My hope for these letters is that she will remember what God has brought us through, who we are in these moments of time. If something ever happened to me, she will always know how much I love her and be able to see a glimpse of who I am. In this world of facebook, twitter updates, and email, I encourage you to WRITE LETTERS to those who mean so much to you. They are truly gifts.

Gracie's Birthday

(As I am typing this, I am becoming emotional!) Our 1/2 Pug and 1/2 French bulldog is turning 9 years old today! Gracie is really my first dog. We had dogs until I was about 8 years old, so I don't remember them well. My grandparents had dogs we claimed, and some were very special. Gracie surpasses all of them. She has been through so much with us. From moves to vacations to Addie's birth, she has been our constant companion and friend. The only reason I am even a little sad today is because I don't know how much longer we will have with Gracie, my hope is years. If only dogs could have the same life expectancy as we do!

We got her around Halloween in 2000, and carried her in a plastic pumpkin through Walmart while we bought new dog things. We named her "Gracie" after the church we had just moved away from in Knoxville. We spoiled her, loved her, trained her, and enjoyed how much she added to our lives. Gracie has always been great with Addie. When Addie was a newborn, I would lay her on our bed while I showered. There were times I would come out only to find Gracie and Addie snuggled together on our bed. Gracie never took food from Addie, and she was protective of her. To this day, Gracie enjoys playing with Addie. Gracie seems older and older to me now, as she sometimes limps from bad hips. She is still the same wonderful dog we love so much, but she just can't do everything she once could do. Aging is a terrible thing. I will spend today being thankful for the 9 years we have had with her, and praying for more!

KINDERGARTEN!!!

The truth is, I suffer from separation anxiety, not in a medication sort of way, but in a I REALLY miss you sort of way. The start of Kindergarten was a much dreaded event for me. Coming home to no kids might sound like heaven to you, but it was something I was not ready for. Of course this is not the master plan, as we are headed to international adoption. I did start a very part-time job teaching music at a preschool a couple days a week to curb my anxiety and earn some money for the adoption. Here are some things I have learned from Addie's first week of school.

1. Home-schooling is a beautiful option. (I now understand why people do it! Getting up early every day to fight through traffic, only to LEAVE my favorite little person there is not FUN!)

2. Addie is more ready for Kindergarten than I am.

3. The grocery is not as fun without my little friend, but it is much faster.

4. Maybe I only stayed up late because I could get up late! I am finding myself asleep before 11:00 pm at night!!! This has not happened to me since MIDDLE SCHOOL!

5. I have authority issues! I do not like to follow someone else's schedule.

6. Addie is the slowest breakfast eater.

7. Addie is not a morning person, and that is very hard since I am not either.

8. It's weird to see Wes King and Steven Curtis Chapman when dropping your child off at school. I grew up singing their songs, and I even wrote SCC fan mail in high school. Weird.

9. I think the tough thing about beginning Kindergarten is the BIG picture. This is the end of Addie being at home more than she's at school. Ugh, there's that home-school thought again. . .

10. Summer is the most wonderful time of the year.

To conclude, this week was only half days! Let's see how it goes for full days. . .

End of the Summer. . .

Never before have I dreaded an end to Summer more than this year. Maybe it was the start of Kindergarten, maybe it was the BEAUTIFUL weather this Summer, or maybe it was the end of no routine and sleeping in. Regardless, I have mourned these last few days as we start a new chapter in our lives. I thought I would include some of my favorite Summer pictures.

*** For those of you who have asked about "31" mentioned in the earlier post . . . It was AWESOME! God really used it in a big way. The teachers did an outstanding job, and the surveys gave the night a "9" or "10" overall. God also brought good beyond the night as we have new visitors, as well as new relationships that came from "31." There are so many good stories from it, and thank you to all who prayed!

31

In June, Faith Murphy, a friend from our church called, she said they were beginning a new thing in the Women's ministry at our church. (www.clearview.org) Faith asked me if I had any ideas or anything I would like to contribute to the Women's Ministry. We talked back and forth about some ideas, and then the idea came to me. There are so many things I would like to know how to do! I knew I wasn't the only one who felt lost when particular subjects came up. I have friends who are newly married who need a few cooking hints, and other women like me, whose Mom or Grandma didn't show them how to sew. What if we had a night where women of all ages could come learn something new! A safe environment where the older could teach the younger, the skilled could teach the unskilled, and have fun learning together while building relationships. So often in our churches, we seem to become familiar with a few families, but never get to know those older or younger than us, or those in different situations. This event would allow women of all ages-single, married, widowed, and divorced, to come together.

The idea took flight. I started thinking about classes we could have like gardening, cooking, skin care, sewing, scrapbooking, budgeting and then I found teachers for each one. Faith and I chose a date at church, booked the room, and began setting up a budget, securing a caterer, and made plans for childcare. We decided to call it "31" after the woman talked about in Proverbs 31. She was resourceful with what God had blessed her with! She worked hard, and was a blessing to her family. Not since I was a student minister at Grace Baptist Church, had I took on such a huge event to plan. I really have never enjoyed doing the details, the ideas are much more fun! Since the event took off, we have been so blessed by the response! We have ladies from high school up to the age of 92! We've had ladies come and suggest other classes for the future, and agree to teach them. We also have ladies from parents to grandparents, singles to divorced, and everything in between. My prayer is for God to use the event for His kingdom. I know the teachers will bring Christ into the conversation. I know God will bless their faithfulness. God has already blown our expectation, in our finite minds our hope was to have between 50-75 ladies coming to the event. It was a week night in the middle of Summer, and an event we've never done or heard of! The last count I got on Friday was 152 women. Wow. It's really a "God" moment for me. I can't wait to see what He does on Tuesday!



Proverbs 31:25-31
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

When to say "When"?

I'm not sure if I know the answer to my title. In a month, it has been 4 years now since our very first miscarriage in July 2005 which started our journey toward another child. We have applied for adoption and had 2 young ladies consider us. They chose other families. We have had genetic testing to see if there is a reason for our 3 miscarriages. (We are waiting on the results.) Addie will turn 6 in September and starts Kindergarten in August. A few of my friends have said, do you really want to go all the way back to babies? Some days I am not sure. Others have said, "don't give up! They will have a special relationship." The truth of the matter is I want Addie to have the joy of a sibling and the sibling relationship especially in adulthood. Of all the trials and heartaches, I know one thing. I am not in charge of her destiny or even my own. I know God controls our answer, whether the result is in another child or not. So, do we give up? How much more money do we throw at what may not be God's choice for us? We have options, with adoption, in vitro fertilization, insemination, and of course, continuing to try on our own. But, when does it end? Will we know when we've tried enough? I don't know. How much farther do we go? We will of course keep our adoption options open, and pray God answers us. What if He does not answer us with a child? A child we have prayed for earnestly for 4 years. I know His ways are better, it's just so hard to let go of what you want.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (New Living Translation)
8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Beach

This was our 4th year in a row to Destin, Florida with my parents. It was a rough trip getting to Destin, as we had a flat tire on the way. It made us lose about 2 hours going down, which made the LONG trip even longer. We had to have the tire patched and while they changed the tire, the jack was put in the wrong place so we have a dent on our new van again. This was also our first time to take one of our dogs, so all the extra commotion was made more difficult. We were spoiled with having the built in DVD player you can play Wii on, as well as it giving us a chance to watch our movies on the portable one. Finally, after we arrived and unloaded everything, I dropped our digital camera on the ground heading to the beach. It wouldn't even turn on after this! This was a very expensive vacation!

Once again, the beach did not disappoint us! We decided to take our nephew, Luke, with us this year. Luke and Addie are very close and we knew they would have a great time together. The first day, we got a little nervous as Luke asked to go to the pool after being at the beach for only 30 minutes! We figured out they enjoy the boogie boards, and that kept us at the beach for many hours. We also jet skiied on the ocean, went to the Track to ride go carts and bumper boats, took a pirate cruise, and shopped! Justin and I discovered how much fun snorkeling is! One day he was out snorkeling and a dolphin swam very close to him. He never saw them but heard their squeaks. I was out on my boogie board and came within 20 feet of them. It was AMAZING! It was a fantastic vacation, and it went by much too quickly. Now we have the vacation blues. . .